@jc Hi there, JC. You mention being afraid. Can I ask first if you have been doing one of the studies here and have you had a mentor while doing that?
Oh, JC, that is the wonderful thing about drawing near to God through Jesus. And doing so at the cross. He takes away our fear and anxiety. Yes, he loves us so much he cannot bear to leave us anxious or fearful, as he shows us his wounded hands and side, telling us "I did this for you. Come and rest in me now."
JC, as for marriage, that is something to hope for certainly, but also something to set aside while seeking that peace and assurance you need first.
So, maybe write back to me here and share some. Have you signed up fro any of the courses? Oh, and I don't know if you're a guy or gal :). We'd need to know to allocate you a mentor.
JC, take heart, at the cross Jesus offers you reconciliation and peace, and rest from all those anxious worries.
Matthew 11:28-30 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."