Welcome back to the A United Front course!
Recently, I received this inquiry from a wife: "How can I ever trust my husband again? I'm so afraid all the time that he is viewing pornography or chatting with women when he is online. Sometimes I will be in the other room, and the thoughts will come to my mind that he is sinning, so I run into the room and check his pulse. I know that when he is hiding something from me, his pulse goes up. But it doesn't help me to feel that his pulse is normal; I think he's only learned to hide his sin better. Also, sometimes my husband laughs at me when I do this, and he tells me I'm silly, and other times, he gets angry and tells me to stop it. I'm so confused. What should I do?"
My heart went out to this dear lady. When sin invades a marriage, it sows the seeds of mistrust and self-protection. These feelings are unwelcome, and our hearts cry out to be relieved of the burden. We all want to feel loved and safe in our marriages, but the injury of sin makes us wonder if we can ever trust our spouse again. Should we?
Well, in this lesson and the next, we will search the Scriptures for the best way to approach this issue of trust in our marriages.
Let's begin with a look at Jesus' approach to trust.
“Now when he was in Jerusalem at the Passover Feast, many believed in his name when they saw the signs that he was doing. But Jesus on his part did not entrust himself to them, because he knew all people and needed no one to bear witness about man, for he himself knew what was in man.” John 2: 23-25
Question 1. According to John 2:24-25, why did Jesus not entrust himself to those who believed in Him?
Jesus knew what was in a person’s heart, and he knew he could not trust them.
Notice here that the verse is not specific to the individuals present but rather the passage says, “…he knew all people.” Jesus knew that He could not entrust himself to people because of what was in them.
This fact prompts us to ask, “What was it in people that Jesus found untrustworthy?”
“And he [Jesus] said, “What comes out of a person is what defiles him. 21For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, 22 coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. 23All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.” Mark 7:20-23
We are each born in sin (Psalm 51:5; Ephesians 2:3) with hearts that are deceitful and wicked (Jeremiah 17:9). When we come to faith in Christ, we receive a new nature (2 Corinthians 5:17), but we still live in bodies of flesh which are weak (Mark 14:38). It should not surprise us then when we sin or our spouse sins. Betrayal began in the Garden of Eden with Adam and Eve, and it continues to this day. We cannot explicitly trust in anyone, but this does not mean that we go through life always waiting for “Judas’ kiss.” There is a better option.
Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians 13:7 that love “hopes all things.” As gospel-centered spouses, we approach our marriage (and all relationships) hoping the best; but not forgetting what is in a person—a heart of flesh that is weak and prone to sin.
When considering how another has broken your “trust,” it is essential to remember that you are a promise-breaker too.
For years, my husband could never be sure if what would come out of my mouth would be edifying or not. I can remember times in conversations with others where I would be relating a story which would present myself as the wise one while my husband would appear hapless and inept. It didn’t matter that what I said was true; the point was that I had betrayed my husband’s trust by tearing him down in front of others. My foolish talk caused my husband to retreat from fellowship with others and me.
Question 2. Can you think of a time when you broke your spouse’s trust? Please share.
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