Hannah writes, "Since taking the A United Front course, there have been many changes in my life. I have learned that it is not my job to help change my husband's behavior. There is no amount of nagging, pleading, giving the cold shoulder, emotional outbursts, etc. that are going to produce a heart change in my husband. Only God can do that.
I have also learned that while helping my husband to purity, I also needed to examine my own heart and seek the Lord for grace to grow in the gospel. Having a humble attitude toward my husband helped me move forward towards healing.
One of the biggest lessons I learned is I needed to stop seeking healing from worldly means. I was getting caught up in the idea that my husband and I needed intensive counseling, step programs, support groups, etc. to find the healing we both needed. But now I know that if we go to the cross and lean on God and what He's done for us through Jesus Christ that true healing happens.
I learned that my life could be so much more than my circumstances. That I should not react based on what my current life situation is making me feel, but instead, I want to have God's heart, which does not change or falter as my life circumstances change or falter.
I learned that my husband needs my love, support, humility, gentleness, and comfort through this time, not stubbornness, bitterness, resentment, anger, or nagging. I used to think I was the victim and had a right to act the way that I was until my husband changed. But that was such a destructive way of thinking, and it only ended up doing the opposite of what I intended. I was pushing my husband farther away and deeper into his struggle with sin.
Most of all, I learned to be more Christ-like. Taking the approach of trying to be more like Christ in contrast to implementing all the different psychological coping strategies, tools, workshops, etc. was the first time I ever actually found healing that lasted. And it's such a simple concept, but for us, humans can be so hard to implement, but getting in the habit of approaching my thoughts, emotions, and feelings with the mind of Christ truly changed my perspective and my heart.
Before I came to the United Front course, I was bombarded with so many suggestions, pieces of advice, and direction from "Christian" entities, groups, individuals, etc., and, though I feel all were well-meaning, I always left feeling a sense of hopelessness, despair, or stuck with a victim mentality. It wasn't until doing this course and having the encouragement and guidance of my mentor, that I truly felt a sense of freedom and hope. The reason is that it focuses on the true healer, Jesus Christ, whose message remains true and effective no matter your circumstance or how your spouse is treating/responding to you. I believe this was the piece I was missing. I was told so many things that my husband and I needed to do in terms of communication, setting specific boundaries, joining addiction step programs, etc., which some of these things in and of themselves are not bad. Still, they never really focused on the true foundation of healing, which can only come from Jesus Christ.
This course also caused me to look at myself and address my sin issues, which was the only thing that allowed me to see how important my forgiving my husband was because God has forgiven me unconditionally through Jesus. I truly believe God led me to this course, and I plan to come back to it to remind myself of God's truths when I am struggling in my marriage."