It seems that the Corinthians had asked Paul if it would be better to totally withdraw from sexual activity and be entirely devoted to the Lord. Abstinence is a common response to sexual impurity.
Indeed, I have repeatedly heard variations of the following: "I don't want my spouse to fantasize about other people while he/she is intimate with me, so there will be no sex until I know my spouse's mind is pure."
The primary problem with this approach is that it is not a gospel response to sexual impurity which the subsequent verses in 1 Corinthians 7 prove. The secondary problem is there is no way for you ever to be sure of what is in the mind of your spouse.
Abstinence is not the answer; sex within marriage is God’s answer to sexual temptation. Physical intimacy between a husband and wife is a means of grace to help fend off the enticements of sexual impurity.
We must accept that we live in an immoral world, in bodies of flesh; temptations will come to us all. Being a Christian does not insulate us from temptation; in fact, as children of God, we are of more interest to the devil than unbelievers.
For this reason, it is an absolute necessity for us to be centered in the gospel of Jesus Christ. Our enemy, the devil, is roaming about seeking whom he may devour (1 Peter 5:8); and we cannot overcome the evil one apart from the power of the gospel. We must stand firm in the gospel and not neglect God’s means of sustaining grace, dear friend; or else we risk our marriages being torn apart as those who have no hope. “Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” 1 Corinthians 7:5
According to 1 Corinthians 7:5, there are the three conditions given for refraining from sexual intimacy in marriage. They are:
1. It should be by mutual agreement
2. It is only for a limited time
3. It is so that you may devote yourselves to prayer (some translations add “and fasting”).
This instruction is not a small or casual suggestion given as a way to avoid sex. Paul makes this recommendation because sexual impurity is a powerful and destructive lure of the devil.
Friend, you cannot fight against the dark and demonic forces of sexual sin with physical weapons or in your own power (Ephesians 6:10-18). If you want to win this war, you must unite together with your spouse and fight this battle kneeling at the foot of the cross of Christ.
Coming together as a couple to seek the Lord in prayer for the healing of your marriage is not only a fulfilling and uniting experience, but it is also a powerful battle strategy.
If you and your spouse elect to abstain from sex for prayer, you might also consider adding the fasting from food component. Going without food for a time heightens our awareness of our desperate need for God and His power, and it can add intensity and passion to our prayers that might otherwise be lacking. It also helps to remind us that sexual separation is to be temporary, even as fasting from food cannot be permanent.
Also, it is essential to define the "limited time" before you begin. Set a date, put it on the calendar, and plan a special time of lovemaking to celebrate the anticipated answer to your prayers. Let the fasting turn into feasting once you come together in physical intimacy again.
Question 7. How can physical intimacy in marriage help you fight against the attacks of sexual impurity on your marriage?
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We began this lesson by exploring the connection between physical intimacy in marriage and the intimacy between Christ and His Bride (the Church). The oneness between Christ and His Bride is beautiful and made possible by Christ's death on the cross.
Sexual impurity has brought shame and sorrow into our homes, but Christ is greater, and He has overcome for us. By His wounds, our marriages are healed (1 Peter 2:24). On the cross, Christ bore our sins, carried our sorrows, removed our shame and disgrace and wrapped us up in His beautiful white robes of righteousness.
His perfect love casts out our fear and enables us to be physically intimate with our spouse, joyful in the knowledge that our union illustrates the perfect and eternal union we will all experience someday at the consummation of all things, the “marriage supper of the Lamb” (Revelation 19:7-10).
I pray that you see sexual intimacy in marriage as the means of grace that it is and that you are rejoicing in Jesus and this physical reminder of His perfect love.