If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, you have a ministry of reconciliation. Reconciled and reconciling; this is our identity in Christ.
Jesus came not only to reconcile you to God but also to reconcile us one to another. We are to reconcile with others whenever possible (Romans 12:18) and to encourage others to be reconciled to God through the gospel (2 Corinthians 5:20).
And this is what we are doing when we speak with our spouse about their sin and invite them to repent. We are essentially saying, “I love you, and so I want you to be right with God and with me. Please turn from your sin and receive the love and forgiveness that are yours through the death of Jesus on the cross.”
The foundation for your reconciliation with God and your spouse is the gospel of Jesus Christ. Through Jesus, your relationship with God has been made right. Jesus has made peace with God for you. And now, Jesus comes to you and your spouse, and He says, “I died to cover and forgive your sins with my shed blood. You are forgiven, and you can forgive. By my wounds, your relationship is healed. I have reconciled you to God, now reconcile with each other based on what I have done for you and what I am doing in you.”
God did not count our trespasses against us, and the reason that God does not count our sins against us is that He counted them against His Son instead. God counted His innocent Son Jesus as guilty in our place so that we who were sinful might be righteous.
God does not love and accept you because you are good. You are not reconciled to God by your efforts but through the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross. God loves and treats you as His friend because Christ has removed the sin barrier that once stood between you and the Father. And even though you still sin, God loves you and treats you as His beloved child because you have been reconciled to God through Jesus' death on the cross.
And this is the mindset that we need to have in our marriages. We should not mistreat our spouse when they sin against us. We are to forgive and make every effort to reconcile because this is what God has done for us. And while it isn't always possible to be reconciled with others, as children of God, we can try.
This truth was hard for me to accept in the beginning days. I felt so betrayed and hurt that I didn't think that I could let go of the pain. But when I read this passage, I realized I had a wrong perspective. I had forgotten what Christ had done for me (2 Peter 1:9) and was not only holding my husband's sins against him but also treating him according to his sins. Sometimes I was subtle about it by denying small kindnesses, and other times, I was openly punitive. I would speak to my husband in a way that I knew would wound him, or I would remind him of his sin and how much it hurt me.
As I began to remember what God had done for me through Jesus, I realized that as long as I was counting my husband's sins against him, I was sinning. How could I hold my husband's sins against him when God did not hold my sins against me? I was not a reconciler, and I needed to repent of it.
I remember praying something like this:
"Father in Heaven, I see that you did not count my sins against me but against Your Own Son, Jesus Christ. Please forgive me for my sin of counting my husband's sins against him and help me to forgive from my heart and love my husband as You have loved me."
Oh, the joy and relief that flooded my soul as I repented to the Lord and released my husband's sins to God! It was as if a weight was lifted from my heart, and I began to treat my husband with the abundant mercy and love that I had received from Jesus. It was a significant turning point in our journey to healing.
Question 5. Have you been holding your spouse’s sins against them? If so, please feel free to write out a prayer of repentance as I did or just share your thoughts.
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