We will close out this lesson by briefly addressing the issue of forgiveness and repentance.
Over the years, I’ve had many people say to me, “I would forgive, but my spouse isn’t repentant.” And when asked how they know that their spouse is not repentant, they respond with complaints that their spouse didn’t seem sincere, they didn’t cry over their sin, or with complaints that their spouse fell to sexual sin again. But this sort of reasoning is not biblical because it is not consistent with the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Look with me at Jesus’ instruction to his disciples regarding forgiving one another:
“Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.” Luke 17:3-4
If you talk with your spouse about their sin and they listen to you and seek your forgiveness, this must be taken as evidence of their repentance. Jesus doesn’t mention any requirement for emotion.
Also, this passage makes it clear that we should not expect the sin issue to resolve immediately. Jesus says, “…if he sins against you seven times in the day,” making it clear that the offender may even repeat the offense many times on the same day, and we’re still to forgive him.
Oh, friend, can you see the gospel here? We, dear one, are repeat offenders against God. Our God is so holy and perfect that even what seems to us a tiny sinful thought is a horrible offense to Him; and yet, no matter how many times a day we come to Him and say, “I’m sorry; please forgive me,” He is faithful to receive us as forgiven because the blood Jesus shed on the cross paid for our every sin. How awesome is our God!
In light of what Jesus does for us, surely, we must forgive our spouse as often as needed, not judging their hearts or their motives, but rather responding according to gospel grace and forgiving them as we ourselves have been forgiven.
Question 6. Based on Luke 17:3-4, is your spouse repentant? Please explain.
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A truly unrepentant person is one who has been shown his sin and the truth of Scripture but refuses to acknowledge the sin and turn to God for forgiveness and restoration (1 John 1:6-10). Sadly, it does happen.
In such cases, reconciliation cannot be complete, but we must remember Jesus’ response to those who were sinning against Him as He hung on the cross, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34).
We pray for those who sin against us unrepentantly. We show love and “do good” to those who hate us (Luke 6:27), all the while hoping that one day they will repent. Such situations are very trying, and you will need the love, support, and encouragement of the body of Christ to help you along the way. This is why it is essential to be connected to your local church and to allow them to minister God’s grace to you in your time of need.
The following is a podcast about this important issue of forgiveness and how we find healing from our heart wounds at the cross.
Question 7. What are your final thoughts about today’s lesson on forgiveness?
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