Lesson 25: Warring Against the Flesh - Overcoming Bitterness

Testimonies of Freedom

Matthew's Testimony

Like many guys, I was exposed to pornography at a young age, perhaps around the age of ten or eleven. At first, I did not understand what it was, but I did realize the effect it had on me. Having no idea that it was wrong, I thought of pornography as something that only adults could enjoy, much like smoking cigarettes or drinking alcohol. However, as a teenager with uncontrolled hormones, I entered high school in bondage to sexual impurity. When not using pornography as my source for indulging in temptation, I was finding other means to satisfy it. This habit continued for years, even after I left high school. At the age of twenty and still in bondage, I started seeing a girl. Things were fine, but soon my habitual sin was discovered, and our relationship started to fall apart. As expected, this created a division between us that eventually resulted in us breaking up. The breakup brought me to one of the lowest points of my life, and I had nowhere to turn but to God. During that time, He truly revealed Himself to me, and I constantly experienced His presence surrounding me in those moments when my heart may have been beating but I felt dead inside. The Lord brought me out of that pit of despair, and my faith in God, my relationship with God, and my knowledge of God was at an all-time high. Despite this, my bondage to sexual impurity was still there. At this point, I had tried all sorts of ways to escape the prison cell, but everything I tried did not work. In this prison cell, I felt like I could walk around, but I could never leave the prison cell. At times, I had moments of great victory over sexual impurity, which was the equivalent of the prison cell door opening and me trying to escape. I could not escape because I felt like there was a shackle around my ankle that allowed me to reach the exit but no farther. Eventually, I gave up and accepted my bondage. I told myself that perhaps everyone struggled with some sort of bondage and this was my bondage that I had to endure for the rest of my life. The enemy had forced me into submission and trained me to think that I was unable to escape my prison cell, so I crawled into a corner and sat there. I felt alone and cursed. Once I came across Setting Captives Free, I thought that this would be just another method of me trying to escape my bondage, but I decided to give it a try anyway. What I experienced in this course was unlike anything I had ever done, though: instead of hearing, "Do X, Y, and Z to be sexually pure," I heard, "Jesus has done X, Y, and Z for you; in fact, He has done A through W as well - He has done everything!" I discovered that the gospel was not solely meant to grant eternal life to a believer, but it can set them free from any bondage. Jesus was punished on my behalf, and, in doing so, He made me righteous and sinless before God. When Jesus died, I died with Him, and when He rose again on the third day, I rose with Him. Jesus set me free! Even as I huddled in a corner of my prison cell, I saw Jesus appear in a brilliant light before me. He touched my shackle and it snapped. I immediately ran out of that prison cell. I fled from sexual immorality and ran straight to the cross. To this day, I kneel before it and worship the One who gave it all for me. Whenever temptation comes my way, I put in my mind the agonizing suffering that Jesus went through for my sin; I see Him being lashed, beaten, spit upon, and carrying my cross to Golgotha to be nailed to it. I see Jesus being lifted up, and I immediately fall to my knees before the cross. He looks down at me and says, "Matthew, I'm dying for you. Through my death, you will have everlasting freedom from sexual impurity. You will be with Me in paradise, and your verdict will be 'not guilty' before my Father." This message is so powerful, and it is through the gospel that I resist temptation. With this change of heart, I feel different, I feel clean, I feel renewed, and how Paul must have felt when the scales fell from His eyes. I no longer have a desire or taste for pornography or any form of sexual impurity. God has put a new song in me, a song that I use to sing and praise Jesus. Every day, the gospel continues to be my sword. I wear my armor in readiness for the enemy to attack, but it really is not me who is defending but Jesus Christ who defends me. Satan can no longer accuse me because Jesus took on the punishment that I deserved. In Him, I find rest, security, love, and salvation.