Now perhaps you are thinking, "That's right. My spouse shouldn't have gone off into immorality; he/she was supposed to come to me and find satisfaction in me." True, but, dear friend, remember the power and relentlessness of the devil's seduction. We must not forget the times we have fallen prey to the devil's traps. I urge you toward cross-centered love and Christ-like compassion.
Do not lay blame, but instead seek to restore and reclaim what is rightfully yours. And I'm not just talking about your spouse. I'm speaking of your sexuality and your powers of attraction.
If your spouse is to find satisfaction in your body, then you must not only be available but also alluring. You don't put a supermarket bag of uncooked food items on the table for dinner and expect everyone to eat it up. It takes a little time to cook and prepare meals, but it is time well invested. How much more valuable is the time you take to prepare yourself for your spouse.
Now to be clear, I am speaking of more than lighting a candle and putting on some nice music once a month. If you want your spouse to be captivated and intoxicated by your love, then you must learn what captivates him/her.
You want to appeal to all the senses, sight, taste, smell, touch, and hearing, so ask yourself these questions:
How does your spouse like you to dress?
Do they comment on your attractiveness in a specific color or style of clothing?
Do they prefer one scent over another?
What words can you use to build up and attract your spouse?
What kind of touch does your spouse enjoy?
Is your bedroom a welcoming and romantic space?
Listen to your spouse, learn and share your own preferences. Then work together to merge your likings for a mutually enjoyable experience.
It is crucial that you do not reject your spouse’s sexual advances.
“The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” 1 Corinthians 7:3-5 (NIV)
If you have rejected your spouse’s advances in the past, then apologize. Tell them that you realize that what you did was wrong and that from now on you will make every effort to receive him/her with joy. This does not mean that you will have sexual intercourse immediately upon request (though spontaneous sex is fun), but it does mean that you will not reject your spouse.
For example, your spouse comes to you while you are cleaning the kitchen, embraces you, and invites you for sexual intimacy. If possible, go—the dishes can wait. If you can't go immediately, receive your spouse by responding affectionately and ask if you can meet up in "X" number of minutes (something realistic). And if full intercourse isn't an option for you, be sure to offer an alternative such as manual stimulation. Take the opportunity to use your God-given imagination to show love to your spouse and enjoy them at the same time.
If you are struggling in this area of life, I invite you to come to Jesus and remember how you have been loved and received unwaveringly by Him. Jesus said, “…whoever comes to me I will never drive away.” John 6:37 NIV
While you were still a sinner and undeserving of any love, Jesus loved you and laid down His life for you on the cross. When you sin, Jesus does not reject you, He calls you to return to Him and receive His love again. Friend, this how we should be with our spouses. When your spouse repents, forgive them and invite them back into your love.
Question 5. Why is it important that you not reject your spouse’s sexual advances?
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