The road we walk is difficult; we need the hope, courage, and joy of the gospel for the journey ahead. As we move forward in these lessons, I will encourage you to do some difficult things, and in your own strength, you will not be able to do what needs to be done. But God is faithful, and He can work in and through you (Philippians 2:13; 1 Thessalonians 5:24).
Let us now consider the biblical instruction given to us regarding how to respond to our spouse's sexual sin. Read with me Matthew 18:15-17:
“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. Matthew 18: 15-17 (ESV)
Question 5. According to Matthew 18:15, what did Jesus say we should do when our Christian spouse sins against us? And what is the goal of doing this?
The first instruction given is to go to our spouse privately and talk with them face to face. We do not want to talk to others about our husband’s sin at this point. This is a very important conversation, and it should be approached with care. None of us enjoys seeing our own sin. You will want to approach your spouse with gentleness and grace just as you would want someone to approach you about your own sin struggles.
Proverbs 15:4 NCV tells us, “As a tree gives fruit, healing words give life,” and we want to have healing and hopeful words for our spouse when we approach them about their sexual sin.
To get these healing words, we must come to the cross of Christ and ask God to help us. Ask Him to reveal to you any personal sins for which you should seek forgiveness (Matthew 7: 1-5) and ask Him for grace to be kind no matter how your spouse responds (Ephesians 4:32). Also, pray that God would grant repentance to your spouse.
Before talking with your spouse, I recommend writing out what you want to say so that you can be clear and focused; this will also allow you to stay purposeful in your conversation and help you avoid angry and bitter words. I find it helpful to reverse the roles and imagine what I would want to hear if I were the one being confronted with my sin issue. Remember that gospel words are the most healing words because they give the hope of forgiveness and restoration.
Finally, be sure to choose your timing carefully. It’s better not to have this conversation when you are busy or exhausted. Make sure that you do all you can to put your spouse at ease, and then in love, talk with him plainly and clearly about your concerns.
Here is a sample conversation to consider:
Honey, I need to talk to you for a few minutes. Is this a good time? Okay. First, I want to say that I love and appreciate you and that’s why I’m coming to you now with a concern that I have. I saw some pornographic websites in our computer history. We both know that sexually immoral material like that is not good for us. I’m heartbroken that you have fallen into this sin trap, but I know that I’m a sinner too. Which is why I am so glad that Jesus died on the cross for us to remove the sin and shame of our sins. And I know it is hard to avoid pornography because it seems like it is everywhere, so I want to do all I can to help you avoid it. What can I do to help?
Question 6. Please write out what you would say to your spouse when you speak with them about their sin issue:
Log in / create an account to enroll or continue where you left off.