If your husband hears you and accepts your offer of help, then you have won your spouse. Rejoice. You will want to continue working together to prevent future falls and to foster healing in your marriage; we will cover these things in future lessons.
But what if your husband doesn’t respond well? This is a possibility, and Jesus addressed it. Let’s look at Matthew 18:16 again, “But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you...” (Matthew 18:16a)
If your spouse doesn’t respond well to your first approach, you need to involve one or two other people. This can be a hard thing to do, so you need to be careful in choosing the others you involve.
Ideally, you will want to choose Christians that your spouse respects to assist you—this could be a pastor, teacher, biblical counselor, a Christian couple. Choose whomever you believe will have the most positive impact on your situation. It will help if you plan the interaction ahead of time so that the godly man can present a plan of repentance and restoration and offer his assistance in accountability.
This was the winning factor in my situation; when our pastor offered my husband love and godly help, my husband rejoiced and accepted with joy because he wanted to repent; he just didn’t know how to do it.
But should your spouse refuse to listen to you and the others that have come alongside you, Christ gives the following instruction:
“If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church...” (Matthew 18:17)
If our spouse refuses to listen to us or the others we bring, we must go to our church leadership for their guidance and assistance. This is not meant to be punitive but rather restorative. Church discipline is designed to be an act of God’s mercy and love, and it can be effective, as in the case of the man who was restored out of a life of sexual sin back to the Corinthian church in 2 Corinthians 2:7-11.
Question 7. Have you implemented any of these biblical principles yet? Please share.
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Friend, I hope that today you have been encouraged by the clear instruction that God has given regarding approaching your sinning spouse. I know implementing these truths can be challenging, but as you fix your eyes on Jesus and follow Him, He will enable you to move forward in His love.