Amanda Adams writes: “I could be a poster child for horror stories of psychiatric drugs. All glory goes to God, but much in part thanks to Setting Captives Free, I have been “drug-free” for over two years now.
I was first put on anti-depressants when I was 12 years old. This began a series of in and out-patient hospital stays, “counseling” sessions (many horror stories here as well from secular counseling), countless diagnoses, and a lifestyle filled with habitual sin of all kinds. Over the course of over 10 years, I dealt with eating disorders, cutting, suicidal thoughts and so much more. I was diagnosed with severe depression, Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), multiple personalities (this diagnosis actually came from a “Christian counselor” at a “Christian” college I was attending at the time), Borderline Personality Disorder, Bi-Polar Disorder, and so much more.
I took so much medication over the years that I lost count. The drugs that I remember being on at one time or another include Effexor, Seroquel, Risperdal, Paxil, Valium, Lithium, Zoloft, Lexapro, Prozac, Wellbutrin, and Trazadone. There are more I'm sure, but these are the ones I remember. I also had medications to help “contain” the side effects of these drugs. It was sort of crazy. They used to say the drugs worked better “alongside” one another. What foolishness! One of my last doctors said there might not be much more for me to try. It was suggested at one time that I try electric shock therapy.
An important note...looking back I can see that God gave me an opportunity to step away from the “medication lifestyle” when a church I was attending wanted to help wean me off and turn me to Christ for full strength as well. My psychologist at the time was quick to point out that she had another patient they tried to “work with” who wound up back in the hospital. She labeled the church a cult and quickly got my mom on board to sweep me out of this church and “harm's way.”
Now as an adult, I'm grateful that God has given me this second chance for freedom from psychotropic medications, but I am not naive to the fact that many will oppose the idea of freedom. Prescription drug use is something that has become so common and accepted even within the “Christian” community and that seriously disturbs me.
Since I had been on so many drugs for so many years, I was very used to the “get on/drop off” process. I was familiar with most of the dosages and the side effects I would be experiencing as well. Even though I knew what was coming with side effects, etc., it was still a very difficult time but God used it for good to help grow my faith and dependence upon Him.
At Setting Captives Free, I learned to apply biblical principles to my life. First, I had to check my motives. Did I really want to get off meds so that I could live a life glorifying to God? Or was it just because I wanted to be “normal”? Next, I had to come to a point where I knew and believed that the sacrifice Christ made for me was enough so that I could “Trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on your own understanding.” (Proverbs 3:5) Even though I trusted that Jesus could save me from other sins, I still had in the back of my mind (from years of “therapy”) that this was one area of my life that just couldn’t be “fixed” by God. I even had some counselors teach that God was using these drugs to “help me.” But now I know better. When I really placed my trust in Christ, I knew that He could save me…even in this area, and it didn’t matter what anyone else said.
I had to repent from this sin of unbelief, from the belief that Jesus couldn’t save me from this area. Then I had to turn and trust. I had developed a lot of bad habits, like running to cutting or suicidal thoughts when time were hard. learned to replace these wrong thoughts and actions with the cross-centered truth. I learned how to think biblically. Hebrews 3:13 says, “But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness.” So, I dove into the Word of God, feasting on the Scripture daily.
My husband encouraged me along the way. During times of great distress (as I suffered from the sickness and despair of the med drop-off), my husband would lay his hands on me and pray for me. I also had accountability through Shon (Setting Captives Free board member), as well as an older woman in our church; they both helped me learn how to think biblically. I called or wrote many times when I felt like I was drowning, and they pointed me to Jesus who carried me through. I utilized the free biblical counseling provided by our church as well and this also helped to identify some of my unbiblical thought patterns.
I learned to cling to the promises I found within the Bible, and ultimately, God's Word has set me free. A key verse for me has been 2 Corinthians 12:9 which says, "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."
Over time, as the medications cleared my system and the Word of God reoriented my mind, my thoughts became clear and stable. I came to see myself how God saw me, as a child of God. I am comforted by Psalm 139:14 which says, “I will praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made…” When I am tempted I remember I Corinthians 10:13, “And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.”
I'm not gonna lie to you, life is not always easy, but once you get into a habit of running to the Word of God, you will find as I have that Jesus can provide a comfort that can't be found anywhere else. As 2 Corinthians 10:5 says, "...take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." Whenever a thought came to mind that I know was not glorifying to God I would immediately run to a Scripture verse. I even made “memory cards” by placing some relevant Scripture I knew I should memorize onto note cards and then I kept them in my purse so they'd be handy wherever I was. Eventually, I had the verses memorized and I immediately turned my thoughts to the promises of the Scripture whenever I had an unbiblical thought. I repeated Psalm 46:1many times throughout the day, “God is my refuge and my strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” Another one of my favorite verse found in Philippians 4:8 which says, "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."
I do my best to handle each day as it comes. Matthew 6:34 says, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." I got outside of myself by looking for ways to help others starting by simply befriending someone at church who needed help. God didn't intend for us to be "lonely," he intended for us to serve others. Matthew 20:28 says, “just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve…”
I knew and understood that God did not guarantee me a perfect life full of peace and harmony. I Peter 3:15 says, "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." If you never have times where you're in the "valley," why would you need a reason to hope? When God helps you overcome that valley, however, then you can tell others and "give an account" of an amazing Redeemer who truly saves. And that…has been my experience…to God be the glory!
I no longer believe in being on medicine for life, like I had several "doctors" tell me I would need. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says, "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." I absolutely believe this with all of my heart. His grace is sufficient in every area of my life, including the arena of my mind. John 15:5 says, “apart from me, you can do nothing.” I take this to heart, and I cherish my time in His Word.
I seek to arm myself for the daily battle that this life can be. Ephesians 6:10-13 says, "Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." I do this by praying, reading and studying His Word, and doing my best to live “do all for the glory of God.”
I have been off all meds for two years now. Some may have been tempted to say that I just have such a good life I wouldn’t have cause for “depression” and therefore have no need for any meds anymore. However, my husband has been out of a job for over a month now. We have been trying to sell our house for almost a year now (we live 80 miles round-trip from our church family, and we long to be closer). I also have two little blessings (a four and a three-year-old), who love to “challenge” me on a daily basis. But God's grace is still sufficient. I have a peace I didn't have two years ago. I believe the Holy Spirit has provided a “peace that transcends all understanding.” He is my refuge, my strength, and my hope and I thank God every day for saving my life and my family. To God be the glory, forever and ever, Amen!”
Question 1. Amanda's story highlighted the lack of hope often found in the world that there's really no freedom from psychotropic drugs, only continual looking for different mixtures of different kinds. What are your thoughts about her story?
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Amanda S. writes, "I really appreciate her testimony. Depression is a real thing and most are put on medication for it. I am so thankful to see how the Lord worked in Amanda's life to bring her off the medications and brought healing to her life that no medication could bring."
Christopher writes, "It is extraordinary that Amanda got off meds as well of her addictions. The trials of her life show us that she was able to rely strictly on God`s Word and not on meds. Amanda mentions that God`s grace is sufficient for her. She has kept the Word God close to her heart. Amanda is a perfect example for all of that God is sufficient for our lives. Everything was accomplished on the cross!
2 Corinthians 12:9
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Ephesians 2:8-9
8 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, 9 not a result of works, so that no one may boast."
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